Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Sticks & Stones

The saying, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" is a complete lie. The truth is that broken bones may heal but painful words leave deep, unhealing scars in the mind and soul.

Over the past many years, I have been battling with a demon disguised as a friend, a financial assistant, an ear & shoulder to lay my troubles, an aid in life, and much more. The higher I was able to hold myself up, the harder this unsuspecting demon made me fall. Looking back on the years, I only wish it was "sticks and stones" that broke me because by now, my body would have been healed. However, it was the sharp words poisoning my heart and mind, the deceitful friendship, and the unnecessary cruelness behind every smile and word filled with hidden meaning.

I let it all go though...I broke free from the constant pain. Even knowing that I would jeapordize my name to those that were drawn in by that demon, I accepted the suffering and closed that door in my life. For once, I felt completely humble and joyful. God had been my shield and armor when I though there was no way out. Even through the spiritual agony and many tears, He showed me peace. Life has been grand with the demon away. I have been happy, my family has been happy......but why then do I feel like Eve in the Garden of Eden through the temptation again being offered by the demon? I tell myself that I will be stronger this time; I will not fall under the trickery ways this time; I will only let this demon in far enough to help ME this time; I will end it as soon as I reach my goal this time...and the excuses keep flowing. My dear husband laid it all out and I saw the truth behind his every word to if I let this demon back in my life. BUT...(as I think to myself all of my previously listed excuses)...my husband stops me and says, plain and simply, "Jacquelyn, you need to pray more." Yes, I must before this demon consumes me again.

So here is my story, as the fine pain of needles on my soul slowly try to seep back into my life. Behind the demon's crooked smiles, words of sweet nothings, and hidden agendas, my strength weakens. I begin to pray a prayer in hopes to defeat this demon for good and to not lose track in my life's purpose here for Him. The question is now, since I am Eve in the Garden of Eden and the demon is tempting me, once again, I reflect back wondering, have I taken a bite of the sweet nectar or but a nibble...?