The Journey
Where did the time go? Life just happens and time passes without control. So many moments I have wanted to capture with written words or through a camera but instead I let it slip right by me thinking, “I will be sure to capture it next time.” However, that “next time” never seems to come. I so badly wish I could press the rewind button in life just so I could cherish those moments I seemed to have forgotten the fine details about or let slip right by me without truly appreciating it or just capturing it somehow.
A couple weeks ago I had been desperately seeking the “right” choice in determining whether I should continue with my college education (at one class per semester for many years to finally see light in reaching my goal of a two-year, AAS Degree, late 2009) or spend my evenings devoted to God and my family. Just as I began looking through the PWSCC course catalog for spring 2008, I happened to look over at my husband sitting at the computer, flipping through random digital pictures of our children. I looked at photos of Elora between the ages of one and three and became teary-eyed at how I had forgotten those years. I have many memories of Draven transforming from a baby to a toddler, a little less memories of him as a preschooler, and now he is a Kindergartner. However with Elora, life seemed to have sped up because I remember her as a baby, vaguely recall the years in between, and now know she is a preschooler. Sadly, I have let time slip by me and the baby stages of my children are forever gone! Due to full-time work, always taking a college course, juggling children’s extracurricular activities, my pitiful addiction to watching movies (we do not have television), devoting as much “spare” time as possible to my husband and children, in the end, my priorities just have not been in the right place.
The what-ifs fill my mind around the use of my time. I mean, how could I possibly have missed so much in my children’s life when I spend time with them every day? How could I think that watching movies oh-so-often is truly worth my time? How could I possibly think that obtaining my degree was more important than those precious moments with my children and raising them as God would have me? How did Draven go from a dependant, snuggly, giggly, gibberish speaking, one year old babe to an independent, logical speaking, too smart for his own good, school-aged kid? Furthermore, what happened to my overly-kissing, with a need of at least nine hugs before bedtime, completely adoring her brother’s every move, baby girl to a sassy, competitive with brother’s every move and word, Mommy and Daddy mimic, preschool child? How could I have possibly given up all those opportunities to spend every “spare” moment with these two amazing gifts given to me by God? How can I do God’s work though and let Him shine through me when I do not even provide my focused attention and the necessary time for Him in the first place?
So on my knees, I turn it over to Him praying for strength (as I struggle with fear, social pressure, and feeling the need of a college degree for job security and stature), compassion (so that I may raise my children as He would have me full heartedly), hope (just as God has for me), peace (as a mother and between my children), patience (just as God has for all His children in this world; be quick with love and slow with anger), faith (to completely trust God in guiding me to serve my purpose and giving all else to Him), and love (to provide my children with the comfort, security, and the ultimate love as He does for). There is so much more in prayer and praise for Him that I have yet to even scratch the surface. I need Him as #1 in my life; now if only I can change my priorities to show it that way. The journey continues…
A couple weeks ago I had been desperately seeking the “right” choice in determining whether I should continue with my college education (at one class per semester for many years to finally see light in reaching my goal of a two-year, AAS Degree, late 2009) or spend my evenings devoted to God and my family. Just as I began looking through the PWSCC course catalog for spring 2008, I happened to look over at my husband sitting at the computer, flipping through random digital pictures of our children. I looked at photos of Elora between the ages of one and three and became teary-eyed at how I had forgotten those years. I have many memories of Draven transforming from a baby to a toddler, a little less memories of him as a preschooler, and now he is a Kindergartner. However with Elora, life seemed to have sped up because I remember her as a baby, vaguely recall the years in between, and now know she is a preschooler. Sadly, I have let time slip by me and the baby stages of my children are forever gone! Due to full-time work, always taking a college course, juggling children’s extracurricular activities, my pitiful addiction to watching movies (we do not have television), devoting as much “spare” time as possible to my husband and children, in the end, my priorities just have not been in the right place.
The what-ifs fill my mind around the use of my time. I mean, how could I possibly have missed so much in my children’s life when I spend time with them every day? How could I think that watching movies oh-so-often is truly worth my time? How could I possibly think that obtaining my degree was more important than those precious moments with my children and raising them as God would have me? How did Draven go from a dependant, snuggly, giggly, gibberish speaking, one year old babe to an independent, logical speaking, too smart for his own good, school-aged kid? Furthermore, what happened to my overly-kissing, with a need of at least nine hugs before bedtime, completely adoring her brother’s every move, baby girl to a sassy, competitive with brother’s every move and word, Mommy and Daddy mimic, preschool child? How could I have possibly given up all those opportunities to spend every “spare” moment with these two amazing gifts given to me by God? How can I do God’s work though and let Him shine through me when I do not even provide my focused attention and the necessary time for Him in the first place?
So on my knees, I turn it over to Him praying for strength (as I struggle with fear, social pressure, and feeling the need of a college degree for job security and stature), compassion (so that I may raise my children as He would have me full heartedly), hope (just as God has for me), peace (as a mother and between my children), patience (just as God has for all His children in this world; be quick with love and slow with anger), faith (to completely trust God in guiding me to serve my purpose and giving all else to Him), and love (to provide my children with the comfort, security, and the ultimate love as He does for). There is so much more in prayer and praise for Him that I have yet to even scratch the surface. I need Him as #1 in my life; now if only I can change my priorities to show it that way. The journey continues…
posted by Blessed at 3:27 PM
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